Sex Matters

BE HONEST

Do you ever fake an orgasm to avoid awkwardness or to protect your partner’s feelings? ‘When you fake it, you’re sending a message to your brain that the sensations you’re feeling should be pleasurable – even when they’re not.

‘Over time, this habit can confuse your arousal signals, desensitise your body and damage trust in both you and your relationship. It also creates a cycle where your partner believes what pleasure could help to lower the risk of high blood pressure and heart disease. Are you feeling unfulfilled?

If you’re struggling to reach orgasm, communicate that. ‘This can be during intimacy by showing them. For example, you can guide their hand, move your hips, adjust the rhythm to show what feels good

LEAVE YOUR SOCKS ON

It seems strange, but keeping your feet warm may help increase your pleasure levels. When wearing socks, 80% of couples were able to reach orgasm, compared to just 50% without socks, according to a small study at the University of Groningen, in the Netherlands.

WORK YOUR PELVIC FLOOR

Weakened muscles in the pelvic area can cause a loss in sensation, but it takes women, on average, seven years to seek help, says research by Elvie. ‘Learning to control your pelvic floor can help you climax,’ adds sex and relationship expert Annabelle Knight. Tone up by doing a set of 100-200 pelvic-floor contractions daily. Just imagine you’re trying to stop passing wind, then a wee, then draw the two sensations together to complete the exercise.

EXPLORE YOUR ZONES

Your lips, ears, scalp and inner thigh are areas that can enhance pleasure when stimulated. And don’t forget the most obvious erogenous zone – the nipples. ‘As many as 29% of women can orgasm through nipple play alone,’ Annabelle says. ‘Each nipple has hundreds of nerve endings, making them super-sensitive to touch. They spark reactions throughout the genital sensory cortex. This is also the area of the brain that’s aroused by vaginal or clitoral stimulation.’

SLOW DOWN

This is an underrated factor in getting better orgasms. ‘Our sexual response system works like a balance of “accelerators” or “brakes”. Accelerators turn us on — like sensual touch, emotional connection or a lingering kiss. Brakes can turn us off — like stress, insecurity, distractions or feeling rushed. For many women, the brakes are more sensitive; even if adequate stimulation is present, their body may not respond instantly. ‘Slow, sensual touch (not necessarily sexual) can activate the nervous system’s safety response, helping you both drop deeper into connection. Enjoy a soak in the tub together, give each other a massage or simply have dinner with no distractions to boost emotional intimacy and increase desire.

WATCH THE VIBES

Masturbation is vital to a happy, healthy sex life, says Annabelle. ‘You’ll learn about your own preferences, so you’ll be able to communicate what you like more easily with your partner, boosting your chances of being able to climax. Not tried a sex toy yet? Whatever type of sensation you’re personally after, there’s a pick for you…

G-SPOT VIBRATOR (RIGHT)

These have a shaft that can penetrate the vagina.

RABBIT

A similar girth to a G-spot vibrator, but targets your clitoris at the same time.

BULLET

Small, discreet and buzzy — ideal for clitoral stimulation.

PRACTISE PRESENCE

Ever found yourself getting stuck in your head during sex?

Whether you’re worrying about how you look, if you’re ‘performing’ well or if you’ll reach orgasm at all, this mental chatter can activate your stress response. This blocks pleasure and makes it harder to connect with the moment’s sensations.’ The key can often be to practise presence. ‘When your mind starts to wander, gently guide it back to the sensations you’re feeling — whether it’s the warmth of your partner’s touch, the rhythm of your breath or the pleasure building in your body.